1
00:00:04,780 --> 00:00:06,781
- (factory whistle blowing)
- _
2
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,322
(moaning, babbles)
3
00:00:14,356 --> 00:00:18,693
(cat yowls and car alarm)
4
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,595
Please stay green, please...
5
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:22,964
Come on, come on!
6
00:00:22,998 --> 00:00:24,966
- Damn it!
- (tires screeching)
7
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:26,681
Are we there?! Are we at camp?!
8
00:00:26,716 --> 00:00:28,116
Almost, honey.
9
00:00:28,150 --> 00:00:30,785
One f'ing light in this craphole town,
10
00:00:30,820 --> 00:00:33,522
and I hit it every mother-loving year.
11
00:00:33,556 --> 00:00:34,956
I can see the entrance!
12
00:00:34,991 --> 00:00:36,625
You guys are so lucky you get to live
13
00:00:36,659 --> 00:00:38,426
next to the best place in the world.
14
00:00:39,003 --> 00:00:41,062
Hey! That guy's got a sleeping bag!
15
00:00:41,097 --> 00:00:43,131
Mom, maybe he needs a ride to camp!
16
00:00:43,165 --> 00:00:45,367
Whole town's got the camp spirit.
17
00:00:45,401 --> 00:00:48,103
Not too close to the fire, boys!
You'll burn your dogs!
18
00:00:48,137 --> 00:00:50,472
But that's how my
friend Snot likes them!
19
00:00:50,506 --> 00:00:52,307
We're finally in the
big-boy cabin this year!
20
00:00:52,341 --> 00:00:53,608
Can you believe it?!
21
00:00:55,444 --> 00:00:56,811
Oh, arts and crafts.
22
00:00:58,381 --> 00:01:00,448
How long is this damn light?
23
00:01:00,483 --> 00:01:02,684
Big boys rule the camp, yeah!
24
00:01:02,718 --> 00:01:03,985
Big boys rule the camp!
25
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,353
Tomahawk!
26
00:01:05,388 --> 00:01:07,155
Big boys rule the camp, yeah
27
00:01:07,189 --> 00:01:08,857
Big boys rule the camp, uh-huh
28
00:01:08,891 --> 00:01:12,761
The big boys rule the camp
29
00:01:12,795 --> 00:01:14,362
That guy gets it.
30
00:01:14,397 --> 00:01:15,597
(glass shatters)
31
00:01:15,631 --> 00:01:17,332
Ooh, free hammer!
32
00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:20,001
Did anyone see that throw?
33
00:01:20,036 --> 00:01:22,437
34
00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:25,140
Good morning, U.S.A.
35
00:01:25,174 --> 00:01:28,977
I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day
36
00:01:29,011 --> 00:01:32,113
The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face
37
00:01:32,148 --> 00:01:36,451
And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race
38
00:01:38,354 --> 00:01:41,790
Oh, boy, it's swell to say
39
00:01:41,824 --> 00:01:44,259
-
Good...
-
Good morning, U.S.A.
40
00:01:44,293 --> 00:01:45,226
Aah!
41
00:01:46,662 --> 00:01:49,998
Good morning, U.S.A.
42
00:01:50,032 --> 00:01:51,533
COUNSELOR:
I said-a boom,
chicka boom
43
00:01:51,567 --> 00:01:54,035
CAMPERS:
I said-a boom, chicka boom
44
00:01:54,070 --> 00:01:55,537
ALL:
I said a-boom, chicka rocka
45
00:01:55,571 --> 00:01:57,205
Chicka rocka, chicka boom
46
00:01:57,239 --> 00:01:58,873
Oh, boy, Snotski.
47
00:01:58,908 --> 00:02:00,508
Looks like someone was in such a rush,
48
00:02:00,543 --> 00:02:01,743
he forgot his sleeping bag.
49
00:02:01,777 --> 00:02:03,678
No matter. You can share mine.
50
00:02:03,713 --> 00:02:05,013
We'll just sleep nose-to-nose...
51
00:02:05,047 --> 00:02:07,482
keep our privates at
a respectful distance
52
00:02:07,516 --> 00:02:08,883
and our faces...
53
00:02:08,918 --> 00:02:10,085
mashed together, I guess.
54
00:02:10,119 --> 00:02:12,354
Actually, Steve, I won't need
55
00:02:12,388 --> 00:02:13,555
my own bedding this summer,
56
00:02:13,589 --> 00:02:14,990
'cause I have this.
57
00:02:15,024 --> 00:02:16,225
Whoa, buddy!
58
00:02:16,225 --> 00:02:18,560
Only counselors are
allowed to have whistles.
59
00:02:18,594 --> 00:02:20,095
Wait. Are you...
60
00:02:20,129 --> 00:02:21,696
A counselor-in-training.
61
00:02:21,731 --> 00:02:23,932
My whistle's corked so
you can't blow through it.
62
00:02:23,966 --> 00:02:27,869
But Chief Danny says if I do
a good job with the Lil' Apaches,
63
00:02:27,903 --> 00:02:30,872
I'll get full whistle privileges.
64
00:02:30,906 --> 00:02:33,908
How...'s it going, boys?
65
00:02:33,943 --> 00:02:35,644
I tell ya, Steve, every time I see you,
66
00:02:35,678 --> 00:02:37,312
I just want to give you a wedgie!
67
00:02:37,346 --> 00:02:39,748
You've got a wedgie face.
Anyone ever tell you that?
68
00:02:39,782 --> 00:02:41,349
I usually get "Ellen Page."
69
00:02:41,384 --> 00:02:42,851
But I'm a big Cherokee now,
70
00:02:42,885 --> 00:02:44,886
so I'll be the one giving the wedgies.
71
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:46,855
Actually, no one will be giving wedgies.
72
00:02:46,889 --> 00:02:49,724
Thanks to a lawsuit that until now,
I was sure you'd filed,
73
00:02:49,759 --> 00:02:52,360
we have a zero-tolerance
policy for bullying.
74
00:02:52,395 --> 00:02:54,062
I don't like it personally,
75
00:02:54,096 --> 00:02:56,898
but it's really helpful for
the wimps and the Polacks.
76
00:02:58,868 --> 00:03:02,037
Why would you choose to be a
C.I.T. instead of a camper?
77
00:03:02,071 --> 00:03:04,239
If you're a C.I.T.,
you don't have to pay.
78
00:03:04,273 --> 00:03:06,708
It's the only way I could
afford to come this year.
79
00:03:06,742 --> 00:03:08,309
I always forget how poor you are.
80
00:03:08,344 --> 00:03:10,111
I drink generic milk.
81
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:12,914
It's gray and comes in a bag.
82
00:03:12,948 --> 00:03:15,750
I think it's softening my bones.
83
00:03:15,785 --> 00:03:17,585
But I promise you,
nothing is going to change
84
00:03:17,620 --> 00:03:18,987
between us this summer.
85
00:03:19,021 --> 00:03:20,555
Big boys rule the camp?
86
00:03:20,589 --> 00:03:22,691
BOTH:
Yeah, big boys rule the ca...
87
00:03:23,926 --> 00:03:26,995
I'm part of a class-action lawsuit.
88
00:03:27,029 --> 00:03:29,497
89
00:03:29,532 --> 00:03:31,399
You all laughed at me,
90
00:03:31,434 --> 00:03:34,436
but I told you we needed
five newspaper subscriptions.
91
00:03:34,470 --> 00:03:35,770
Happy anniversary, babe!
92
00:03:35,805 --> 00:03:38,540
Oh, yeah, congratulations, you two!
93
00:03:38,574 --> 00:03:40,075
Which anniversary is it?
94
00:03:40,109 --> 00:03:42,377
Is it one?
95
00:03:42,411 --> 00:03:43,978
Is it two?
96
00:03:44,013 --> 00:03:46,247
Is it 69?
97
00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:47,549
(laughing)
98
00:03:47,583 --> 00:03:49,117
Well executed, Jeff.
99
00:03:49,151 --> 00:03:52,053
You just earned yourself
one month of USA Today.
100
00:03:52,088 --> 00:03:54,289
Anyway, we're gonna celebrate
by heading out to Burning Man.
101
00:03:54,323 --> 00:03:56,725
I used to burn. Got too corporate.
102
00:03:56,759 --> 00:03:58,960
Now you gotta poo in designated areas.
103
00:03:58,994 --> 00:04:01,463
Anyhoo, how'd you get tickets?
I hear it's hard now.
104
00:04:01,497 --> 00:04:03,298
Uh...
105
00:04:03,332 --> 00:04:05,233
You didn't get tickets?
106
00:04:05,267 --> 00:04:07,268
You told me you were taking care of it!
107
00:04:07,303 --> 00:04:08,970
(imitating Jeff) "I got it covered,
babe."
108
00:04:09,004 --> 00:04:11,072
Hey, don't get on the naggin' wagon now.
109
00:04:11,107 --> 00:04:13,308
Could've used that when
I forgot to get tickets!
110
00:04:13,342 --> 00:04:15,944
Ugh! Way to ruin our anniversary!
111
00:04:15,978 --> 00:04:18,847
69 years down the drain.
112
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,426
_
113
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:24,296
...which is how this
camp came to be built
114
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:27,868
on an ancient Indian burial ground.
115
00:04:27,903 --> 00:04:28,400
Which tribe?
116
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:31,236
The, uh... Whatever, kid.
They were friggin' Indians.
117
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:34,840
And some say their zombie
chief still haunts the camp.
118
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:36,074
(light switch clicks)
119
00:04:36,289 --> 00:04:38,490
Whoa, whoa, Steve! What's going on?
120
00:04:38,524 --> 00:04:41,293
Just telling the Lil' Apaches here
the legend of the camp.
121
00:04:41,327 --> 00:04:44,963
(as the Cryptkeeper) It's a great
"dead" -time story.
122
00:04:44,997 --> 00:04:47,332
(laughing evilly)
123
00:04:47,366 --> 00:04:49,234
Okay, maybe that's not a good idea.
124
00:04:49,268 --> 00:04:51,002
If you get 'em all riled up,
125
00:04:51,037 --> 00:04:52,337
I'm the one that has to read 'em
126
00:04:52,371 --> 00:04:54,239
an extra chapter of "Super Fudge".
127
00:04:54,273 --> 00:04:55,907
(normal voice) I thought
this C.I.T. stuff
128
00:04:55,942 --> 00:04:57,409
wasn't going to change us having fun.
129
00:04:57,443 --> 00:04:59,010
It's not!
130
00:04:59,045 --> 00:05:01,980
Look, let's hang at the rope
swing tomorrow after lunch,
131
00:05:02,014 --> 00:05:03,248
just you and me.
132
00:05:03,282 --> 00:05:04,683
What about them?
133
00:05:04,717 --> 00:05:06,051
They'll be writing letters home
134
00:05:06,085 --> 00:05:09,354
and playing with the
iPads they smuggle in.
135
00:05:09,388 --> 00:05:10,355
Right, guys?
136
00:05:10,389 --> 00:05:12,057
We don't all have iPads.
137
00:05:12,091 --> 00:05:13,692
(laughter)
138
00:05:13,726 --> 00:05:16,361
My Etch-a-Sketch can do
something your iPad can't.
139
00:05:17,964 --> 00:05:20,365
140
00:05:21,165 --> 00:05:23,535
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!
141
00:05:25,071 --> 00:05:27,339
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on, come on!
142
00:05:28,841 --> 00:05:30,842
Since you couldn't go to Burning Man,
143
00:05:30,877 --> 00:05:33,311
I brought Burning Man to you!
144
00:05:33,346 --> 00:05:37,082
I'm giving you two the
best anniversary ever.
145
00:05:37,116 --> 00:05:38,817
And tearing up my lawn!
146
00:05:38,851 --> 00:05:40,385
It's a Burn, Stan.
147
00:05:40,419 --> 00:05:43,021
The only limit...
148
00:05:43,055 --> 00:05:44,656
is your mind.
149
00:05:44,690 --> 00:05:46,558
(crash)
150
00:05:46,592 --> 00:05:48,160
And the property line.
151
00:05:48,194 --> 00:05:50,529
(crickets chirping)
152
00:05:50,563 --> 00:05:52,697
I can't believe Snot stood me up.
153
00:05:52,732 --> 00:05:55,534
I've wasted the whole day
flawlessly skipping stones.
154
00:05:55,568 --> 00:05:58,570
Oh, no! It's the man from
the other side of the lake!
155
00:05:58,604 --> 00:06:00,238
Are these yours?!
156
00:06:00,273 --> 00:06:04,242
Your stone hit me and my wife
while we were making love!
157
00:06:04,277 --> 00:06:06,211
You were alone over there.
158
00:06:06,245 --> 00:06:08,280
That is one narrative!
159
00:06:08,314 --> 00:06:10,782
-
- _
160
00:06:10,816 --> 00:06:12,484
SNOT: (thinking)
As far back as I can remember,
161
00:06:12,518 --> 00:06:14,619
I always wanted to be a counselor.
162
00:06:14,654 --> 00:06:18,723
Hey, what do you call 50 townies
at the bottom of a rockslide?
163
00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:21,860
A good start! (laughter)
164
00:06:21,894 --> 00:06:24,629
Good one, Chief! Get you another Sprite?
165
00:06:24,664 --> 00:06:27,532
I don't know, Snot.
Do townies eat their own shit?
166
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:29,668
(laughter)
167
00:06:31,671 --> 00:06:33,071
To me, being a counselor
168
00:06:33,105 --> 00:06:36,041
was better than being
president of the United States.
169
00:06:36,075 --> 00:06:40,312
It meant being a somebody
in a town full of nobodies.
170
00:06:40,346 --> 00:06:42,080
STEVE: You guys get Sprite?!
171
00:06:42,114 --> 00:06:46,384
Camper Steve? What are you
doing in the counselor cabin?!
172
00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:49,454
I'm sorry, Chief.
Just a little misunderstanding.
173
00:06:49,488 --> 00:06:52,857
Do you have any idea how long I
was waiting out there for you?
174
00:06:52,892 --> 00:06:53,799
I'm sorry.
175
00:06:53,799 --> 00:06:55,894
What happened to us having fun together?
176
00:06:55,928 --> 00:06:58,063
- I have responsibilities now,
- _
177
00:06:58,097 --> 00:06:59,297
grown-up stuff.
178
00:06:59,332 --> 00:07:00,832
That are more important than me?
179
00:07:00,866 --> 00:07:01,900
Yes!
180
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:04,569
I mean... sometimes.
181
00:07:04,604 --> 00:07:05,570
Yes.
182
00:07:05,605 --> 00:07:07,739
Oh. Okay.
183
00:07:07,773 --> 00:07:08,940
Look, Steve...
184
00:07:08,975 --> 00:07:09,975
Apology accepted.
185
00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:11,576
I wasn't apologizing.
186
00:07:11,611 --> 00:07:15,280
I was just gonna say
it's bedtime for you.
187
00:07:16,882 --> 00:07:18,250
What a dick.
188
00:07:18,284 --> 00:07:20,619
- I'm still here.
- I wasn't talking to you.
189
00:07:22,755 --> 00:07:26,358
This guy was talking to this guy
about how much of a dick he is.
190
00:07:26,392 --> 00:07:28,593
I'm tired of you guys
fighting all the time.
191
00:07:28,628 --> 00:07:31,096
You want to make up in my mouth?
192
00:07:31,130 --> 00:07:33,565
(moaning)
193
00:07:33,599 --> 00:07:37,168
BOY: This, Smith. This is why
no one wants to canoe with you.
194
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:40,070
_
195
00:07:41,071 --> 00:07:43,573
Hey, guys! How was arts and crafts?
196
00:07:43,607 --> 00:07:45,575
You make some cool dreamcatchers?
197
00:07:46,844 --> 00:07:48,611
Great! Great!
198
00:07:48,645 --> 00:07:52,315
I've just been finding all
the candy you hid in here!
199
00:07:52,349 --> 00:07:55,118
In your pillowcases,
under your mattresses.
200
00:07:55,152 --> 00:07:59,722
And, guys, come on.
I know "Todd" isn't a real camper.
201
00:07:59,757 --> 00:08:02,291
He's just a bunch of
Starburst mushed together
202
00:08:02,326 --> 00:08:03,960
wearing Noah's clothes.
203
00:08:03,994 --> 00:08:06,496
Didn't you used to
sneak candy into camp?
204
00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:08,464
Yeah, when I was a kid.
205
00:08:08,499 --> 00:08:10,800
Now you're looking at a grown-ass man.
206
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:12,135
Do you see this?
207
00:08:12,169 --> 00:08:15,505
This is what a grown-ass man looks like.
208
00:08:15,539 --> 00:08:17,306
You are all missing swimming.
209
00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:18,841
And if I find this stuff again,
210
00:08:18,876 --> 00:08:20,643
I'm gonna make you smell these Air Walks
211
00:08:20,677 --> 00:08:23,880
I've been wearing all
summer without socks.
212
00:08:23,914 --> 00:08:27,016
STEVE: Snot's not letting you
have any fun, huh?
213
00:08:27,050 --> 00:08:28,584
Well, I'm here to change that.
214
00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:34,056
(inhaling)
215
00:08:34,091 --> 00:08:36,392
(coughing)
216
00:08:36,426 --> 00:08:37,994
(straining) That's a
lot of powdered sugar.
217
00:08:38,028 --> 00:08:39,529
(coughing)
218
00:08:42,132 --> 00:08:43,766
What is happening?
219
00:08:45,702 --> 00:08:47,069
What is happening is...
220
00:08:47,104 --> 00:08:48,604
(coughing)
221
00:08:48,639 --> 00:08:49,438
...is I'm...
222
00:08:49,473 --> 00:08:51,908
(coughing)
223
00:08:53,143 --> 00:08:54,944
Mm! Whew!
224
00:08:54,978 --> 00:08:57,413
I'm here to invite you
guys on a panty raid.
225
00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:59,282
Won't that get us in more trouble?
226
00:08:59,316 --> 00:09:01,584
Listen, I came here to have fun!
227
00:09:01,618 --> 00:09:03,853
This time tomorrow,
we could all be knee-deep
228
00:09:03,887 --> 00:09:06,989
in stolen Disney princess Underoos!
229
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:07,990
- Yes!
- Yeah!
230
00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:09,759
- Whoo!
- Let's do it!
231
00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:12,094
Still doesn't change the
fact that I'm wetting my bed
232
00:09:12,129 --> 00:09:15,298
because I'm homesick for Mommy.
233
00:09:15,332 --> 00:09:17,700
(loud dubstep music plays)
234
00:09:22,239 --> 00:09:24,006
Hello, my lovelies.
235
00:09:24,041 --> 00:09:27,243
I have playa gifts for you.
236
00:09:27,277 --> 00:09:29,512
Anniversary necklaces.
237
00:09:29,546 --> 00:09:31,881
Together, they symbolize your love.
238
00:09:31,915 --> 00:09:35,084
Wow! Roger, these are beautiful!
239
00:09:35,118 --> 00:09:36,853
Did you make them yourself?
240
00:09:36,887 --> 00:09:38,387
I went to Target myself.
241
00:09:38,422 --> 00:09:40,957
I told you,
I want this to be special for you.
242
00:09:40,991 --> 00:09:43,092
Later, I'm cooking you a gourmet meal.
243
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:45,094
Plus, I made you a sheet of acid.
244
00:09:45,128 --> 00:09:47,396
Each tab features a little alien saying,
245
00:09:47,431 --> 00:09:48,965
"Take me to your dealer."
246
00:09:48,999 --> 00:09:50,600
(chuckling) They usually say "leader,"
247
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:53,035
but this alien likes drugs.
248
00:09:55,439 --> 00:09:57,740
This is so thoughtful.
249
00:09:57,774 --> 00:09:59,842
This whole thing, it's just...
250
00:09:59,877 --> 00:10:01,310
too thoughtful.
251
00:10:01,345 --> 00:10:03,913
When has Roger ever done
anything just to be nice?
252
00:10:03,947 --> 00:10:05,147
He always has an ulterior motive.
253
00:10:05,182 --> 00:10:07,016
Dude, that's true.
254
00:10:07,050 --> 00:10:10,119
Maybe these psychedelics
will help us see through his plan.
255
00:10:10,153 --> 00:10:13,122
Jeff, no! Look,
until we figure out what Roger's up to,
256
00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:15,725
we should do nothing, trust nothing...
257
00:10:15,759 --> 00:10:17,126
take nothing.
258
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,729
Can I take a Benadryl
if I get stung by a bee?
259
00:10:19,763 --> 00:10:21,430
Yes, Jeff, you can take that.
260
00:10:21,465 --> 00:10:23,466
What about Roger's homemade Benadryl?
261
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:25,268
It's good that you're
asking me about these things.
262
00:10:25,302 --> 00:10:26,769
No.
263
00:10:30,674 --> 00:10:32,475
What's that horrible music?
264
00:10:32,509 --> 00:10:33,843
It's called dubstep.
265
00:10:33,877 --> 00:10:36,846
It's the sound of living
in your parents' basement forever.
266
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,447
(laughing)
267
00:10:38,482 --> 00:10:40,850
Why are you being so uptight, Stan?
268
00:10:40,884 --> 00:10:42,418
Come hula-hoop with me!
269
00:10:42,452 --> 00:10:44,320
Is there another one?!
270
00:10:51,328 --> 00:10:52,528
(wind blowing)
271
00:10:52,562 --> 00:10:54,964
Oh, no! Roger's acid!
272
00:10:54,998 --> 00:10:58,634
Each of these things can make
a full-grown man trip balls!
273
00:10:58,669 --> 00:11:02,338
Imagine what they'll do
to a four-ounce goldfish!
274
00:11:04,107 --> 00:11:06,175
...cracker?
275
00:11:06,209 --> 00:11:08,144
I think I'm "crackering" up!
276
00:11:08,178 --> 00:11:10,579
(canned laughter)
277
00:11:10,614 --> 00:11:12,081
(applause)
278
00:11:12,115 --> 00:11:14,383
(gasps) They're all here!
279
00:11:14,418 --> 00:11:16,986
Milanos, Chessmen...
280
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:18,254
Pretzel Thins.
281
00:11:18,288 --> 00:11:19,455
(applause intensifies)
282
00:11:19,489 --> 00:11:21,624
Congratulations, Klaus.
283
00:11:21,658 --> 00:11:24,060
You're high as shit.
284
00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:26,529
285
00:11:29,533 --> 00:11:32,168
Okay, guys,
I did a little panty raid recon
286
00:11:32,202 --> 00:11:33,536
on the girls' cabin.
287
00:11:33,570 --> 00:11:35,638
Actually,
we're not doing the panty raid.
288
00:11:35,672 --> 00:11:36,672
W-Why not?!
289
00:11:36,707 --> 00:11:39,308
Well, we talked about it,
and we get the sense
290
00:11:39,343 --> 00:11:41,510
that you're a pretty nerdy 14-year-old.
291
00:11:41,545 --> 00:11:43,879
But us, we're pretty cool 10-year-olds.
292
00:11:43,914 --> 00:11:46,549
I've kissed three girls this summer.
293
00:11:46,583 --> 00:11:50,419
So, we're feeling like we should
avoid anything that you do.
294
00:11:50,454 --> 00:11:51,520
(sighs)
295
00:11:51,555 --> 00:11:54,023
Okay, first of all, Paul?
296
00:11:54,057 --> 00:11:55,358
[Bleep] you.
297
00:11:55,392 --> 00:11:57,927
(loud dubstep music plays)
298
00:11:57,961 --> 00:12:00,062
Whoa! Cool bed!
299
00:12:00,097 --> 00:12:02,398
I stress-tested this baby to four tons,
300
00:12:02,432 --> 00:12:04,233
so feel free to pound it out.
301
00:12:04,267 --> 00:12:06,268
Again, very thoughtful.
302
00:12:06,303 --> 00:12:07,803
The food looks delicious, too.
303
00:12:07,838 --> 00:12:10,239
Good... so you'll eat,
then get nice and tired
304
00:12:10,273 --> 00:12:12,274
and sleep like the dead.
305
00:12:12,309 --> 00:12:14,710
What's that? It looks like... blood.
306
00:12:14,745 --> 00:12:16,245
(chuckles nervously) Must be mine.
307
00:12:16,279 --> 00:12:18,414
I mean, who else's would it be?
308
00:12:19,716 --> 00:12:21,317
Nope. One of those cocker spaniels
309
00:12:21,351 --> 00:12:23,019
must've had their period in here.
310
00:12:23,053 --> 00:12:25,521
Okay, you two, eat and sleep time!
311
00:12:27,624 --> 00:12:30,626
(crickets chirping and owl hooting)
312
00:12:32,763 --> 00:12:34,430
(whispering) Oh, this is awesome!
313
00:12:34,464 --> 00:12:36,065
You guys should've seen
the Lil' Apaches.
314
00:12:36,099 --> 00:12:39,035
They were all like,
"Can we please come with you, Steve?
315
00:12:39,069 --> 00:12:41,103
None of us have even kissed a girl."
316
00:12:41,138 --> 00:12:44,140
I heard Paul is plowing
his way through Cabin 7.
317
00:12:44,174 --> 00:12:47,710
The point is I told them
if I'ma do a panty raid,
318
00:12:47,744 --> 00:12:49,578
I'ma do it with my O.G.s...
319
00:12:49,613 --> 00:12:52,782
the younger, sleepier Mini Mohawks.
320
00:12:52,816 --> 00:12:54,550
This doesn't feel fun,
321
00:12:54,584 --> 00:12:56,218
what you're doing right now.
322
00:12:56,253 --> 00:12:57,987
It feels more desperate.
323
00:12:58,021 --> 00:12:59,622
(shouting) Desperate how?!
324
00:12:59,656 --> 00:13:02,324
Okay, so... we're gonna bounce.
325
00:13:02,359 --> 00:13:04,427
Just 'cause we're leaving
326
00:13:04,461 --> 00:13:07,763
doesn't mean we don't
want you to get better.
327
00:13:07,798 --> 00:13:10,199
(loud dubstep music plays)
328
00:13:12,402 --> 00:13:13,669
Hey! Where's your glow?
329
00:13:13,703 --> 00:13:15,304
- Darktards!
- (bicycle bell dings)
330
00:13:17,074 --> 00:13:19,375
All right, we need to figure
out what Roger is up to.
331
00:13:19,409 --> 00:13:21,143
Klaus, are you okay?
332
00:13:21,178 --> 00:13:23,446
Oh, yeah, I'm cool. I'm cool.
333
00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,880
I was just gonna cut my face off
334
00:13:24,915 --> 00:13:27,116
to let the shadow
people out of my skull.
335
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:28,751
So, the burritos are up for grabs?
336
00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:32,021
Burritos?! I'm marrying
this young couple.
337
00:13:32,055 --> 00:13:34,523
(music continues)
338
00:13:36,393 --> 00:13:38,761
All right, I think I got something.
339
00:13:38,795 --> 00:13:40,830
Roger wrote down a phone number.
340
00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:44,333
Reverse lookup says it's a
medical clinic in El Salvador.
341
00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:46,168
Hey, does this mean anything?
342
00:13:50,007 --> 00:13:52,007
_
343
00:13:52,008 --> 00:13:53,442
Holy crap!
344
00:13:53,477 --> 00:13:55,444
Roger set this whole thing
up to take our organs!
345
00:13:55,479 --> 00:13:57,146
Roger's evil!
346
00:13:57,180 --> 00:13:59,682
But you gotta give him a
little credit for being so...
347
00:13:59,716 --> 00:14:02,151
organ... ized.
348
00:14:03,153 --> 00:14:05,354
(chuckling) There's that smile.
349
00:14:05,388 --> 00:14:07,857
350
00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:10,326
Bunch of 8-year-olds calling me nerdy.
351
00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,862
Bunch of 6-year-olds
calling me desperate.
352
00:14:12,896 --> 00:14:14,497
I don't need any of 'em.
353
00:14:14,531 --> 00:14:16,031
- Snot?
- Gotcha.
354
00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:18,868
Don't you mean "Gotye"? 'Cause you're...
355
00:14:18,902 --> 00:14:22,104
Somebody that I used to know
356
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:25,541
ANNOUNCER:
"American Dad" remembers Gotye.
357
00:14:25,575 --> 00:14:26,942
I can't let you do this.
358
00:14:26,977 --> 00:14:28,878
Sure you can! You can do it with me!
359
00:14:28,912 --> 00:14:30,846
You don't think I wanna have fun?
360
00:14:30,881 --> 00:14:33,816
But if I have fun,
sunscreen is not applied,
361
00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:35,851
friendship bracelets are poorly woven,
362
00:14:35,886 --> 00:14:39,655
and no one scratches Chief
Danny's bug bites to completion!
363
00:14:39,689 --> 00:14:42,925
You know what? Forget it!
I got panties to try on...
364
00:14:42,959 --> 00:14:44,660
Raid! To raid.
365
00:14:44,694 --> 00:14:46,162
Stop, Steve, or I'll...
366
00:14:46,196 --> 00:14:48,464
What? Blow your corked whistle?
367
00:14:51,067 --> 00:14:53,202
You wouldn't dare.
368
00:14:54,371 --> 00:14:55,738
(blowing whistle)
369
00:14:56,940 --> 00:14:59,441
C.I.T. Snot, you uncorked your whistle.
370
00:14:59,476 --> 00:15:01,076
This better be good.
371
00:15:01,111 --> 00:15:04,246
Camper Steve was about
to commit... a panty raid.
372
00:15:04,281 --> 00:15:07,016
By himself? That's kind of a bummer.
373
00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:10,419
And also a clear violation
of our no-bullying policy.
374
00:15:10,453 --> 00:15:11,587
I gotta send ya home.
375
00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:12,655
What?!
376
00:15:12,689 --> 00:15:13,989
I will, however, allow you
377
00:15:14,024 --> 00:15:16,926
to sing "Boom Chicka Boom"
one last time.
378
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:17,954
But I...
379
00:15:17,954 --> 00:15:19,995
I said a-boom chicka-boom
380
00:15:20,030 --> 00:15:22,064
(sadly)
I said a-boom chicka-boom
381
00:15:22,098 --> 00:15:23,999
I said a-boom chicka-boom
382
00:15:24,034 --> 00:15:26,101
(crying)
I said a-boom chicka-boom
383
00:15:26,136 --> 00:15:29,538
I said a-boom chicka rocka
chicka rocka chicka boom
384
00:15:29,573 --> 00:15:34,510
(sobbing)
I said a-boom
chicka rocka chicka rocka
385
00:15:34,544 --> 00:15:35,945
Chicka boom
386
00:15:39,016 --> 00:15:40,150
Gimme a Sprite.
387
00:15:40,184 --> 00:15:41,985
Get the hell out of my bar.
388
00:15:42,019 --> 00:15:44,955
Don't tell me...
Sprite's only for counselors.
389
00:15:44,989 --> 00:15:46,189
(glass shatters)
390
00:15:46,224 --> 00:15:48,959
There's two things we
don't like in this town...
391
00:15:48,993 --> 00:15:51,862
that lousy summer camp and Sprite.
392
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:55,365
So, you can do the Dew,
or you can be on your way.
393
00:15:55,399 --> 00:15:57,801
You don't have to tell
me that camp sucks.
394
00:15:57,835 --> 00:15:59,069
It double-sucks.
395
00:15:59,103 --> 00:16:02,372
Hey, everybody, this kid's
making a lot of sense over here.
396
00:16:02,406 --> 00:16:03,373
What'd he say, Meaux?
397
00:16:03,407 --> 00:16:07,310
He said that camp,
and I quote, "double-sucks."
398
00:16:07,345 --> 00:16:08,979
Whoa! (chuckles)
399
00:16:09,013 --> 00:16:12,182
I never had the balls to push
it that far, but he's right.
400
00:16:12,216 --> 00:16:14,150
They drive straight through our town
401
00:16:14,185 --> 00:16:15,785
to drop their bratty kids off.
402
00:16:15,820 --> 00:16:18,188
Never once stopping by to
see what the mill's like.
403
00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:19,990
It's really cool in there.
404
00:16:20,024 --> 00:16:21,324
I bet it is.
405
00:16:21,359 --> 00:16:22,993
That dumb camp kicked me out
406
00:16:23,027 --> 00:16:24,895
'cause I wouldn't play by their rules.
407
00:16:24,929 --> 00:16:28,031
Now my life is garbage,
just like you guys.
408
00:16:28,065 --> 00:16:29,866
- Yeah!
- This kid gets us.
409
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,868
Ah, I wish there were some way
410
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,703
we could help ya get
back at that camp...
411
00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:35,205
you know, since you're one of us.
412
00:16:35,239 --> 00:16:37,007
We could give him a tour of the mill.
413
00:16:37,041 --> 00:16:38,308
It's really cool in there.
414
00:16:38,342 --> 00:16:40,143
Yes. Maybe not today,
415
00:16:40,177 --> 00:16:42,479
but let's definitely
get that on the books.
416
00:16:42,513 --> 00:16:45,248
In the meantime,
I know just how you guys
417
00:16:45,283 --> 00:16:46,750
can help me get back at that camp.
418
00:16:46,784 --> 00:16:48,351
But before we get to that,
419
00:16:48,386 --> 00:16:51,721
which sushi roll would you recommend?
420
00:16:51,756 --> 00:16:54,157
(loud dubstep music plays)
421
00:16:57,895 --> 00:16:59,930
(singsong voice) Hayley.
422
00:16:59,964 --> 00:17:01,698
Jeff.
423
00:17:01,732 --> 00:17:03,300
Watermelon.
424
00:17:03,334 --> 00:17:04,601
Aha! Busted!
425
00:17:04,635 --> 00:17:06,236
Wait, what are you... Did you not sleep
426
00:17:06,270 --> 00:17:08,538
in the beautiful bed I
put together for you?
427
00:17:08,573 --> 00:17:12,042
Nope, we've avoided everything
you've done for us this weekend
428
00:17:12,076 --> 00:17:14,744
because we know you're
harvesting organs!
429
00:17:14,779 --> 00:17:16,413
That cooler is probably full of 'em.
430
00:17:17,213 --> 00:17:19,482
This cooler... is filled...
431
00:17:19,517 --> 00:17:23,019
with fresh smoked salmon
for your breakfast in bed!
432
00:17:24,989 --> 00:17:29,793
Man! For once in my life, I do something
with absolutely no ulterior motive
433
00:17:29,827 --> 00:17:32,963
'cause, "Oh, it's supposed
to make you feel so good!"
434
00:17:32,997 --> 00:17:33,964
Never again!
435
00:17:33,998 --> 00:17:36,199
So what's with the operating
room in your attic?
436
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,602
I was harvesting my own organs!
437
00:17:40,104 --> 00:17:42,405
How do you think I was
planning to pay for all this?
438
00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,108
Unfortunately, there's not much
of a market for alien organs,
439
00:17:45,142 --> 00:17:47,277
so I'm going to have to put 'em back in.
440
00:17:47,311 --> 00:17:49,312
Or maybe not...
I haven't noticed a single difference
441
00:17:49,347 --> 00:17:50,447
since I took them out.
442
00:17:50,481 --> 00:17:51,448
Oh, my God!
443
00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:54,484
Let's all go to the body
444
00:17:54,619 --> 00:17:57,287
Let's all go to the body
445
00:17:57,321 --> 00:18:00,457
Let's all go to the bodyyy
446
00:18:00,491 --> 00:18:02,792
We'll go in through the butt
447
00:18:02,827 --> 00:18:04,728
(organs chittering)
448
00:18:06,230 --> 00:18:08,031
(trills)
449
00:18:08,065 --> 00:18:09,633
(coughs)
450
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:11,601
How long was I out?
451
00:18:11,636 --> 00:18:15,805
Jeff? Did you... take advantage of me?
452
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:19,442
Looks like the counselors
won't be stopping us,
453
00:18:19,477 --> 00:18:21,845
so let's have us a panty raid!
454
00:18:21,879 --> 00:18:23,480
Look, we're adults.
455
00:18:23,514 --> 00:18:25,315
If we go stealing little kids' panties,
456
00:18:25,349 --> 00:18:28,385
well, that's a list you
don't wanna be on twice.
457
00:18:28,419 --> 00:18:31,154
ALL: (chanting) Raid, raid, raid!
458
00:18:31,188 --> 00:18:34,057
Whoa! You guys are motivated! Wait up!
459
00:18:34,091 --> 00:18:35,692
Steve! What are you doing?!
460
00:18:35,726 --> 00:18:37,594
Me and my new friends from town
461
00:18:37,628 --> 00:18:39,729
are teaching this camp some manners.
462
00:18:39,764 --> 00:18:43,333
(grunting and screaming)
463
00:18:43,367 --> 00:18:45,168
It looks more like a riot.
464
00:18:45,202 --> 00:18:46,936
(screaming)
465
00:18:46,971 --> 00:18:49,706
(intense classical music playing)
466
00:18:49,740 --> 00:18:51,541
- (screaming)
- _
467
00:18:51,575 --> 00:18:53,576
- (grunting)
- _
468
00:18:53,611 --> 00:18:56,079
We're free!
469
00:18:56,688 --> 00:18:59,610
This is gonna be my coffee table!
470
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,488
Uh, guys, m-maybe
we should have a quick pow-wow
471
00:19:05,523 --> 00:19:07,123
to review our objectives here.
472
00:19:07,158 --> 00:19:08,152
You're not our leader.
473
00:19:08,152 --> 00:19:10,293
You're just some kid
that looks like Juno.
474
00:19:10,327 --> 00:19:13,263
Only from certain angles! Now calm down!
475
00:19:13,297 --> 00:19:15,665
You think you can tell us what to do?
476
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:18,168
You'd... You'd kill me over this?!
477
00:19:18,202 --> 00:19:20,503
Would it please m'lady? (clears throat)
478
00:19:20,538 --> 00:19:22,706
Sorry. I meant "mill lady."
479
00:19:26,544 --> 00:19:27,577
Run, Steve!
480
00:19:27,611 --> 00:19:28,945
Get 'em!
481
00:19:28,979 --> 00:19:30,080
(crowd shouting)
482
00:19:40,958 --> 00:19:43,226
You can't tread water forever!
483
00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:44,794
Yeah, but we can do it for 20 minutes,
484
00:19:44,829 --> 00:19:46,896
or else we wouldn't
have lake privileges!
485
00:19:46,931 --> 00:19:48,898
Townie huddle!
486
00:19:48,933 --> 00:19:50,600
- (muttering)
- Privileges... 20 minutes...
487
00:19:50,634 --> 00:19:51,835
I know, I know.
488
00:19:51,869 --> 00:19:53,503
(muttering continues)
489
00:19:53,537 --> 00:19:56,439
Okay! Enjoy your swim party.
490
00:19:56,474 --> 00:19:57,607
We're gonna keep raiding.
491
00:19:57,641 --> 00:19:59,609
(crowd cheering and shouting)
492
00:20:00,377 --> 00:20:02,912
Sorry I brought hell into this camp.
493
00:20:02,947 --> 00:20:04,080
I was just mad at you
494
00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:06,483
because you were becoming
a grown-up first,
495
00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:08,885
and it was... changing everything.
496
00:20:08,919 --> 00:20:10,787
No, Steve, I was wrong.
497
00:20:10,821 --> 00:20:14,324
I thought being a grown-up
meant not having fun anymore.
498
00:20:14,358 --> 00:20:15,759
But look at them.
499
00:20:15,793 --> 00:20:17,994
Let me down, you townie scum!
500
00:20:18,028 --> 00:20:19,329
Whoo-hoo!
501
00:20:19,363 --> 00:20:21,131
Best day ever!
502
00:20:21,165 --> 00:20:22,599
They're having a ball!
503
00:20:22,633 --> 00:20:23,833
Exactly.
504
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:26,302
No matter how grown up we get...
505
00:20:26,337 --> 00:20:28,605
We'll always be able to have fun.
506
00:20:28,639 --> 00:20:30,607
I think he's havin' a heart attack!
507
00:20:30,641 --> 00:20:32,108
(laughter)
508
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,576
(factory whistle blows)
509
00:20:33,611 --> 00:20:34,744
Shift change! (chief whimpers)
510
00:20:34,779 --> 00:20:36,813
Time to get to work, fellas!
511
00:20:36,814 --> 00:20:38,814
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
512
00:20:42,319 --> 00:20:43,987
(eerie whooshing)
513
00:20:47,658 --> 00:20:49,325
(gasps)
514
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:50,727
Yes.
515
00:20:50,761 --> 00:20:52,729
This body will do.
516
00:20:52,763 --> 00:20:55,699
Ew! Ew! I'm covered in ants!
517
00:20:55,749 --> 00:21:00,299
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